Advice to ManLand: Chivalry Will Get You LUCKY
Dudes, listen up…not sure where you mind is at the present moment (besides counting down the days til March Madness)…but I need you to pay attention. Five Rockin Rules…that prove…Chivalry will get you LUCKY (aka laid)…
1. When the check comes — dive for it like a Mexican seagull attacking leftover tortilla chips and salsa on a Cancun beach. Unlike your loaded “Monday Night Football w/ the boys” nachos…, there is NO five second rule! Let there be NO moment of hesitation as soon as you even SEE the waiter coming toward the table with the check. Your hand needs to flutter like “wind beneath my wings”. Bonus points for actually quoting something clever from that cheesy movie.
If you need a visual (which I’m sure you do since you’re a guy)….Imagine Mr. Miyagi in Karate Kid…wax on…wax off…. Grab the check before your date notices. Make it seamless….like one of those iron-on patches your mom put on your jeans as a kid. Your damsel will realize quickly you can do wonder with your hands. Imagine your reflexes are one step ahead of your mind and more importantly — your common sense. Even better…excuse yourself an go to the bathroom…then slip your credit card to the waiter. Get used to the idea that it’s your job to primarily pay the dinner check — at least in the beginning.
If you’re already angry reading my words of wisdom – think about it this way….Women are stuck with childbirth, PMS, and painful periods! Be happy you’re only stuck with the check. Get over it. Move on. Yes, I know women want it all…equality and all that crap. But just suck it up….because you’ll never have to birth a child or wear a maxipad.
Rules 2 through 5 coming soon…
January 9th, 2010 at 12:15 AM
I usually offer to pay my share, but that says nothing on my admiration for someone to pay for the meal en total.
I especially love the excused leave technique (has happened once, and not enough).
January 23rd, 2010 at 7:22 PM
Love the part about the childbirth, maxipads and PMS. Men should DEF pay the bill all the time, anytime. There’s nothing that’s more romantic and chivalrous than paying a bill, especially in these economic times!
And after that episiomity, we really love it when the man (even our husbands) pay the bill. Funny insight and so true! For all you super feminists, get real! Please don’t set the expectations low from the get go!
January 29th, 2010 at 12:41 AM
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