When Good Men Wear Bad Clothes

Since my blog is all about me “being real”….let’s be real about men’s fashions — or rather the LACK of fashion some men posses on a daily basis.

The bad news — I see a lot of attractive men in their 30s who frankly…are dressing like old-white-JCPenney-grandpa-wanna-bees instead of stylish guys with good jobs and even better personalities.

The good news — women in their 30s are totally open to completely changing a man’s wardrobe and hairstyle (if he indeed still has hair).

Before you men call us “judgemental” or “superficial”…think of this…at least women are seeing the real you…and not the clothes you’re currently wearing.  It’s called POTENTIAL.  We were innately born with more fashion sense than you’ll ever be able to absorb through literature, Men’s Health, and advice from your gay buddies.  We simply don’t care if your clothes are out-of-style…because we can fix the problem with more speed than a Jiffy Lube technician.

“He’s fun, genuine, has a big heart, cute….but he really needs some fashion help.”  Wow…If I had a martini for every time I heard that (from one of my girlfriends’ mouths) I would probably be residing at the Betty Ford Clinic by now.  The key term here is “fashion help.”  The reality – women just want to “help.” Even if it’s not a REAL emergency.

Some quick advice guys…leave the hawaiian shirts, dated golf shirts, tapered jeans, and pleated khaki shorts at home.  Better yet, drive down to the Salvation Army and unload them along with your white AND/OR black Reeboks and Dr. Scholl’s.  One young man’s trash is ALWAYS another old man’s treasure.  Any why you’re at it, toss out those ugly Keen sandals you’ve been hoarding.  Those don’t look fashionable….they just look weird and orthopedic.  Bottom line, if it looks like something your dad or grandfather would even GLANCE AT — (or your grandmother would buy) start using it to clean or buff your car.  You won’t miss it — and in the long run – neither will your future girlfriend.  Also, for the record…I have NEVER EVER EVER heard a woman say…”My boyfriend looks so hot in that golf shirt….You know the one with the crazy stripes.”

It’s so utterly refreshing to hear a man say he needs fashion help.  Guys…Just come clean.  Women in their 30s need help too.  Unloading heavy groceries, changing an A/C filter, and putting windshield washer fluid in the “right hole” currently come to mind.  You scratch our backs (or something else)…and we’ll scratch yours.

Cute be told…my current “Eye Guy” recently called me in for fashion advice. Like ALL men, he possesses numerous items which should have been purged a decade ago.  (Think early 90s fashions from the “Friends” era)  When I asked him why he had NOT recently cleaned out his closet, he replied, “I have attachment issues.”   I responded, “To what, bad clothing?”  We both had a good laugh…but then he booked me for a closet cleaning session later the next week.  I plan on getting him tipsy before the event to deaden the pain of seeing so many bad clothes go “bye-bye.”

Guys..the solution here is actually easy…Just give us a couple hundred bucks and let us run rampant at Target, Banana Republic, and DSW like a sugar-obsessed toddler in Toys-R-Us.  We’ll spend your money wisely and efficiently…creating multiple outfits in a single outing — all, of course, up to our standards.

I promise…we’re not asking you to personally embellish the word “metro-sexual” and make it your new “bumper sticker” mantra.”  We’re not begging you to ONLY shop at Nordstroms and designer boutiques.  We’re not mandating you “DVR” Project Runway weekly.  (We still need you to be a man.)

We’re simply asking you to let us into your world — or rather your unchartered closet.

Tags: fashion, Friends, JCPenney, wardrobe

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